The festive holidays are a stressful time for those living with eating disorders. There is usually more food in the home than usual, which is generally made up of many fear foods. Your loved one is bound to feel the intense food focus and feel like they should be merry and bright.
With this in mind, I have created a survival guide for those supporting someone with an eating disorder to make your festive holidays run as smoothly as possible…
Don’t push them to “have a good day”
There is a lot of pressure on your loved one (whether that has been placed on them themselves or by others) to “try and have a good day” on 25th December. This expectation alone can cause a lot of anxiety.
So much of the Christmas season is centred around food—everyone usually has a bit of everything, some might go back for seconds, and some might not even finish their meal.
All the while, your loved one's recovery routine has been derailed, they are aware that everyone is monitoring their food intake, and extended family are probably making unhelpful comments.
It’s a really tough day for them.
So, please try not to get frustrated or show disappointment with them if this day doesn’t go as you’d hoped. I can assure you they will be trying their best, and the last thing they’d want to do is feel responsible for ruining the day. Remember, it’s the ED causing the issues, not your loved one.
Please don’t use phrases like “Can’t you just eat?” They are not helpful or motivating. They just leave your loved one feeling guilty (and their ED already makes them feel this on a daily basis).
Let them know you can see how hard they tried and that they did the best they could. Tomorrow is a new day.
Take the focus off food
Approaching the holidays, your loved one will feel a lot of pressure if they’re navigating an eating disorder.
Sit with them and make a plan of things you can do over the festive period that have nothing to do with food. Here are some ideas:
Go to the shop and find a fun new board game for the family
Start a new crafting project
Plan trips out
Highlight Radio Times (if you know you know) with your favourite TV shows
Ask for their ideas for decorating the table and give them the responsibility to bring it to life (this also helps distract them on the big day).
Have a 2-week meal plan in place
Have a 2-week meal plan for the festive holidays and have this planned two weeks in advance. This helps your loved one still feel a sense of routine, and it manages their expectations of the holidays.
Depending on the severity of your loved one's eating disorder, you might be able to collaborate and create a Christmas meal plan together. Make sure the plan is pinned up somewhere they can see at home.
They might want a smaller portion if the meal itself feels overwhelming, or they might want to trade one aspect of the meal for another - given how difficult the 25th December is going to be, consider whether or not it’s worth challenging them and decide what you’ll be willing to ‘let slide’. So long as they eat enough, that’s all that matters on Christmas day. It could also be worth having a practice run of their Christmas meal so they know what to expect. Consider if they need to make interim steps in the meantime to meet the adjustments.
Naturally, their eating disorder might try to talk them out of their Christmas meal in the lead up or on the day. Stay consistent and to the plan; try not to negotiate with the ED, but equally, pick your battles on such an emotive day. Be firm but compassionate with your loved one.
Let them know the Christmas Day plan
A regular routine can feel comforting during recovery when life is otherwise daunting and chaotic. However, the festive holidays can derail this routine, so have a plan in place to keep things as predictable and calm as possible.
Let your loved one know the plan for Christmas day in advance. It doesn’t have to be rigid - a loose plan will do, but enough for them to feel a little bit in control.
This could look like “We will get up and open presents, have breakfast (that you’ll have planned in advance), get showered and dressed, prepare the table and watch some festive TV, eat dinner (that you’ll have planned in advance), play a family game, watch Strictly, etc…”
Keep diet-culture talk out of the home
Diet culture is loud at this time of year - the media are encouraging the consumption of ‘indulgent’ or ‘treat’ foods, and as soon as Christmas day hits 8.00pm, gyms and diet companies are guilt-tripping you for overeating, so “lose those Christmas pounds”.
Your loved one will have a heightened awareness of this language, which can impact how they care for themselves mentally and physically.
Ensure that your loved one is not exposed to discussions or comments about bodies, food quality and quantity, and exercise. If anyone is visiting your home or your loved one is visiting relatives and friends, give them a heads-up to keep conversations away from diet culture.
Minimise Isolation
Time alone over the festive season gives your loved one too much time to overthink the quantity and types of food consumed over the holidays. Try to limit the amount of time your loved one spends alone in their room. Keep them involved in the family festivities as much as possible, doing all of the things you have planned in advance.
Be mindful and accepting that this Christmas might not be as smooth as previous years, but with this plan of action, you should be able to reduce too many upsets.
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